Written by Julia Galli
When we think about women in leadership positions, our minds often present us with the image of female CEOs, businesswomen, lawyers, etc. While these are incredibly impressive and admirable roles, often the concept of female leadership in the home is neglected and disregarded as a less respectable title. As the child of a stay-at-home mom myself, I can attest to the fact that this is far from the truth. With that being said, even I have found myself dismissing the true difficulties and turmoil that my mother and other mothers alike endure.
I am embarrassed to admit that throughout my life when asked what my mom does for work, I would respond with the statement that she is “just” a stay-at-home mom. Just. A word so simple, yet so powerful. A word that when included in that sentence undermines the perseverance, diligence and strength of a woman who leads her home. My mother is not “just” a stay-at-home mom. She is a beautiful, kind woman who dedicated her life to ensure that my siblings and I were happy and healthy, even when it was at the expense of her own well-being. She is not “just” a stay-at-home mom. She is everything to my family and my home. She, and other moms alike, are the true definition of leaders, and it is time for society to acknowledge that.
Modern society associates the notion of success with the influx of money. Mothers who stay at home are treated as though they are not as valuable to the providing of their family simply because they do not bring in an income, when in reality they do far more than a paycheck can account for. The irony of the matter is that without a mother’s willingness or ability to lead their home, their partner would not have the opportunity to achieve the career success that they may have. It is clear that this is a team dynamic where both components are equally as important, so it is time to make a change in the gross underappreciation of stay-at-home moms. These women are real-life superheroes, and the world needs to stop treating them as if they are merely sidekicks.
The article, “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success,” by Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Carolyn Buck Luce discusses society’s predisposition toward women leaving the workforce prematurely and hitting roadblocks in their attempt to return. Most often this occurs when women embark on the journey of motherhood. It is much more common for women to take on the role of a familial caretaker than men, whether that is in regard to raising children or caring for their elders, applying societal pressure to the likelihood of women departing from their career to tackle the challenge of homemaking. This is a commendable and difficult decision, but it is one that is typically made with temporary intent. In fact, “most highly qualified women who are currently off-ramped (93%) want to return to their careers” (Hewlett and Luce). Unfortunately, the same societal insistence that leads women to off-ramps demands that they stay distant from the on-ramps they were promised. Mothers are left conflicted, being made to feel as though they have wasted their education or career potential in order to raise their family, while simultaneously being convinced that motherhood and professional ambition are incompatible (Hewlett and Luce).
One thing that can be done to add value to the decision of temporarily leaving the workforce for parenthood, is for companies to offer paternity leave in addition to maternity leave. According to Josh Levs in the article, “To Make the Case for Paternity Leave, Dads Will Have to Work Together,” 71% of organizations do not offer paternity leave. In fact, “even among large businesses with at least 10,000 employees, almost half (48%) lack paternity leave” (Levs). With statistics like these, it is no wonder that women feel it is their innate duty to be a caretaker. Often, being a parent becomes so overwhelming that once a mother has taken this off-ramp it is difficult to imagine a scenario where it is possible to go back to work. Offering and encouraging paternity leave would allow for more clarity and calmness when it comes to planning what the future will look like career and parenting wise. A true decision can be made instead of a mother feeling as though she had no choice but to stay home full-time after the first few hectic weeks of parenthood.
Considering this, the primary issue remains that women who have left the workforce, or women who elected to stay-at-home over working, are perceived to be less hard-working than those on the career path. At the very least, they are made to feel this way. Our class had the opportunity to speak with Charisse Strawberry-Fuller, and through this insightful conversation and my own personal experiences, it is clear that maintaining and leading a household is the most difficult job of all. Charisse spoke of how wearisome it can be trying to maintain her own identity while living under the label of “mom.” It is incredibly easy for a stay-at-home mother to fall into a routine where every action they take is to the benefit of their children, but none are taken for their own personal care. This is where feelings of underappreciation arise and the concept of intersectional invisibility develops. Although not its exact definition, the basic principles are still at play. Stay-at-home moms feel very aware of the pressure placed upon them, yet invisible in the sense that they do not receive the recognition they deserve. Often their days are filled with taking their children to various locations, upkeeping the house, cooking dinner, staying on top of appointments and events, and a million more tasks that go unacknowledged. It is the combination of all these seemingly small duties that work together to produce a functioning household. If even a single day went by where mothers elected not to do such activities, I can guarantee it would not go unnoticed.
It is time to redefine the meaning of leadership. Being a mother is one of the most incredible, difficult and rewarding roles that any woman can fulfill, yet moms are under the impression that they are not valued or appreciated. Changing this narrative begins with altering the perception that society has of stay-at-home moms. These women deserve to be recognized for the hard work they put forth every single day and for the love and support they provide their children. I am beyond grateful that I was raised by a woman who radiates such strength. If I was not raised by someone who is “just” a stay-at-home mom, I would “just” not be the person that I am today.
Works Cited
Hewlett, Sylvia Ann, and Carolyn Buck Luce. “Off-Ramps and on-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success.” Harvard Business Review, Harvard Business Review, 15 Oct. 2019, https://hbr.org/2005/03/off-ramps-and-on-ramps-keeping-talented-women-on-the-road-to-success.
Levs, Josh. “To Make the Case for Paternity Leave, Dads Will Have to Work Together.” Harvard Business Review, Harvard Business Review , 31 Aug. 2021, https://hbr.org/2019/03/to-make-the-case-for-paternity-leave-dads-will-have-to-work-together.